Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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