Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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