My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
