just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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