Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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