Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
