so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
