im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Panties = found
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
