he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
