69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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