I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
