We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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