Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
