she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize