Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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