the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
