Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
