please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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