mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
