Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
