actually, I'm a sock model
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
