Quick, to the slutcave!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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