it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you had me at cake vodka
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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