is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
