Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
