Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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