the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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