It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
