Do you still have your period?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
