I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
