Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
