you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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