Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
