how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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