I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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