Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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