Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
3 2 1 whiskey
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
