Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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