How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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