Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
