i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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