Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.