I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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