Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.