also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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