Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.