I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
