normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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