just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
