I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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