my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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