she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
