why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
