i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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