The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
