She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
