Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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