don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
