YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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