I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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