I am puke
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
