Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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