I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
