Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
