no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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