Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
