you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
