remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
