I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
