She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize