Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
