it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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