I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
