It's just like the Real World with babies
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
