I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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