Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
