I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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